i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
