is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
