I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
