ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
