shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
