I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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