If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
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I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We are two peas in an std pod
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
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