Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
