my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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