I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
