remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
