Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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