dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
