I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
false alarm, still single
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
