wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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