she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
