I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
