I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize