Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
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his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
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It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
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