What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
