The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
