escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
