Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
