i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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