I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
