Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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