She announced her abortion via fbk
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
