Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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