Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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