Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
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