I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
