shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
