I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
