I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
