Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
