I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
God gave him joint rollers for hands
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I need to calm my uterus...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
