By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
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