I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
