what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
