dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
