hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
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Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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