i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
