Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
