i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
