Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
