Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
