absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
