I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
