Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
