There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
