I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
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Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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