I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
