I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
