So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
