Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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