Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
We smell like vodka and hangover
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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