it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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