It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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