I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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