After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Randomize
