it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Randomize
