i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
