And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
