So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
