so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
