you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
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