i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
