I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
