how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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