i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
