I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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