So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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