am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Randomize
