my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
