you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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