I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
