i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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