ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
