didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
