And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
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