its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
