We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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