someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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