There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
