He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
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despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
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There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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