I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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